words · for · myself · (and · others)

and this is where i get lost
crawling around your head
trickling through your ears
from tinny speakers on the shelf
i could be the song
that never resurfaces
trapped under the weight
of your preponderant wickedness
but i'll whistle out
in melody one fateful day
and the woman you love will turn on you
how could you be that way
i've changed millions of lives
you're just the latest fling
when night comes for dreams
you won't know what to think
that's when i take over
slipping down your spine
like the tingler with vincent price
i'm going to shock your mind
and this is where i get lost
in the folds of grey
floating in your skull
waiting to be made okand this is where i get lost
crawling around your head
trickling through your ears
from tinny speakers on the shelf
i could be the song
that never resurfaces
trapped under the weight
of your preponderant wickedness
but i'll whistle out
in melody one fateful day
and the woman you love will turn on you
how could you be that way
i've changed millions of lives
you're just the latest fling
when night comes for dreams
you won't know what to think
that's when i take over
slipping down your spine
like the tingler with vincent price
i'm going to shock your mind
and this is where i get lost
in the folds of grey
floating in your skull
waiting to be made ok

i was born with doubt in my veins
bubbling through my blood
i could hold my breath for a while
it wouldn't do me any good
the crisp air of a cold morning
woke me from a happy dream
every experience teaches me
i don't know how to do anything
make a fist and i smile
fight is my first thought
but second-guessing my disease
i always run but get caught

we are the night
you are the quarry
this is where they excavated graves
limestone for building mausoleums
bolted shut with heavy iron doors
to keep you from rising again
we hunt in shadows
you hide with superstition
no cross or light will stop this disease
spreading through your veins
over your skin out your eyes
stop breathing but stay alive
with teeth and hair
cold fingers hold you down
we'll feed as we wish
you're one of us now

we were plastic
we were metal
we were tapes played on the car radio
late night driving
in my mother's car
looking for you on the side of the road
through deserts
through trees
over hills and around the cities
i was everywhere
you were not
and violently falling apart

it was doomed from the start
why couldn't i see it then
would have lived so much better
if i'd known where we'd end

we were rain
we were leaves
we were caught under falling trees
sunshine loving
in a brief summer
writing our hearts onto our sleeves
sleeping in late
sleeping together
we dreamt of ghosts and future weather
you were distant
i was caught
what we shared was hope and thought

it was doomed from the start
why couldn't we see it then
would have lived so much better
if we'd known where we'd end

we were memories
we were paper
we were letters living an illusion

we were doomed from the start
but couldn't see it then
our lives never got better
and our lives will never end

it's obvious i have an axe to grind
an urge to punch you in the face
if you touch my girl again
no, don't think you're my friend

it's not like this exists
in a total vacuum
word gets around, fucker
i'm going to black your eyes out

box your ears for a good long year
break your kneecaps for standing there
feigning innocence
i have it from the bitch's mouth

unfulfilled at home don't come
crawling around here no more
we're selling bug poison
and you'll drink it by the gallon

settling scores this week
you're first on the list
i am not afraid of you
and i will beat your ass

What it's like for everyone else

what it's like for everyone else
all oi can do os be myself
it doesn't feel like itaks working well
enough to make me cry

Caught fire

i burned down the forest
touching your tattoos
how i spark when excited
catch fire when i'm with you

Scarlet

the A i wanted to burn on my skin
i put it off to be with you
if i could make this promise work
it wouldn't be true
but i've betrayed your trust
ruined love for both of us
after every change i made
i turn out still the same

nine miles down in the city of wind
i'm not hiding that's just pretend
sun is shining it's time to begin
time for burning all the dead men
got heart and promises
worn like sleeves
doused in oil
smoking the kerosene
could be love in the city of wind
but it's time for burning dead women

sound companion
blast rooftops in summer
rock rap jazz
independent brothers
it's all about moving the city we're in
all about stealing the power of wind
i turn invisible for one bright day
the worst crimes in history and i get away
could be love in the city of wind
but it's time for burns from x-girlfriends

i'm not
on fire
hopeful
for an ending
but that part
hides
it's not working out

the relationship between the present
and being better
would improve
if i weren't afraid
if i didn't want
what hides from me

don't get close
don't even breathe
don't look
don't see

i'll only fuck you up

turn on the ice water
pray for rain
wash out that emotion
turn off
the lust in your veins
i'm not holding you
i'm not fucking you tonight
no kissing no heavy petting
don't even say my name

this isn't my standing
my seated phase either
the truncated breathing
should have tipped you off
i'm not over
the well
the wall
the blanket in the car
those stains we made
are clean and gone
pushed outside
blown away

i'm not focused
not even here
let someone get hurt
let someone feel fear
i should have been
i have been told
now let me do this
my way
don't try to love me

i'll only fuck you up

when i was me
a million years ago
i forged a pact
that couldn't be broken
deal with the devil
deal with an angel
it doesn't matter
sworn to protect me
couldn't believe it
how did i ever escape that noose
how did i ever get free
loving arms are bars
warm kisses filled with poison
everyone who cares about you
holds you prisoner in this world
have to get outside of them
have to get outside
through the window
through your skin
shards of glass
asphalt rising
the city streets
will be your home
swollen with your blood
fractured with your bone
what you feel
it traps you here
have to get out
free from everything

when i was me
all those long years ago
when i was mine
i can't say how i lived
caught in a whirlwind
fear and need
somehow i survived
when i was two
in the time since then
when it was me and a you
i felt safe from the storm
now it rattles the windows
batters the door
i'm afraid to step outside
but i don't have a choice
how could arms
become walls
to protect me
from falling things
and where's the home
i built for myself
to keep safe
a place to live alone
never finished never there
i was too afraid it wouldn't hold
but now in the fierce
winds i have to assemble
a roof over my head
walls to keep out the rain
with windows to watch
and a door to let you in
because you and i
as one or two
will carry on
we'll carry on

there you go again
disappearing from view
have you gone into hiding
or flown back to the moon
where was i when you needed me
not around to hold your hand
relying on the help of strangers
when you couldn't stand
never let my guard down
remain always vigilant
someone is waiting
to steal the letter you sent
how could i have changed this
avoided what befell us
where could i have turned
to make it resound differently
lead you to a cul de sac
a darkened cave to hide
together with our hands touching
instead of being stranded on the roadside

How do we miss each other
Running in the rain
Fifteen years since we blew our cover
Learned to live without the pain
Delusions of one good summer
Threatened to haunt us all our lives
Get yourself together mother
Fucker we all have time to die
Can't contemplate what might have been
No longer those kids
Laughing at the trees
And promising all we could give
Someday again I'll sing you a song
In a basement laundry room
To remind us of all we did right
In the saga of me and you

when we were survivors
we ate twigs and berries
sat on twisted tree trunks
drank dew from mountain leaves
we sang songs no one remembered
how did we learn this tune
the history of the world erased
and we're left to carry on
when we were survivors
the only ones left alive
making babies and feeding spiders
wearing tree bark to hide
blankets in the hospital
butterflies on our backs
we've slept in every doorway
and under railroad tracks
hear the monsters in the night
roaring over who gets to eat us first
we'll run through the jungle
sleep in valley forest dreams
when we were survivors
we avoided the bombs and guns
aimed at the giants
the blockers of the sun
here ice is our companion
blood our true guide
we were free to live with abandon
lost in the countryside
cold rivers run home
solid gazes we hold
the road is the least safe place
we can hold out for ever

for the rain
i have written
thousands of words
for the sun
an agonizing plenty
the myriad stars
have songs for them
but for you
as yet nothing
let this be the first
(though it most certainly is not)
to sing your praises
though oft reminded i am
of a beach boys song
start with what you don't know
with you i find myself
almost the opposite
but i'd take the shot
for your eyes
for the look you gave me
when i emerged from underground
as the sun shone on my back
a bunker in the ruined
waste of the city
the last survivor
of great devastation
if we were meant to be
let it start here
with nothing but hope
and patience
time stretching out before us
and nothing in our way